Lets start with full disclosure here.
In 2011 I started a blog called Liberal Hypocrisy. I was 22(ish?) and it was a great way to blow off some steam. Inevitably, as it does for a youngin with her whole life ahead of her, I found many far more important activities to do and Liberal Hypocrisy was left as but a website floating in the ever expanding space that is the big wide internet. Eventually I think the poor dear deleted itself due to neglect.
I always thought it would be fun to reinstate Liberal Hypocrisy, so here we are with what is most likely episode 14 (But I’m pretty sure after all these years is qualified for a counter reset).
Welcome (back) to Liberal Hypocrisy, things I have learned, that I think you will benefit from, because the only way I manage to learn is by making mistakes.
- If you’ve been on your feet for a long time in heels (at an event, work or some such) FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T THINK THAT TAKING THEM OFF FOR A BREAK WILL MAKE IT BETTER. Your feet will swell like squishy little urchins and throb with the newfound passage of circulation, and you will never be able to get those cute little stiletto’s back on again. If you need to take your shoes off, maybe its time to go home. If you can’t go home, grin and bear with your decision to wear that particular pair of trotters today, because beauty is pain baby.
- If you’re lazy like me, and can not deal with doing a full face of makeup every day, get your lashes done. Have them tinted with a lash lift, or do what I do and have lash extensions applied. My mascara just expired with 75% of it left because I haven’t used it in nearly a year. Lashes are literally the best thing I have ever done for my morning routine efficiency and all the maintenance it takes is a 30 minute lash top up every few weeks that I ROUTINELY fall asleep during.
- If you don’t feel like going to an event you’ve RSVP’ed to, you don’t actually have to go. Tired? Go and put your feet up. Can’t make that pilates class you booked? F*ck it. Your sanity is always worth more than that.
Exceptions of course apply- Weddings cos those things are FRICKEN EXPENSIVE TO CATER, things that your partner really really wanted to do with you and important events that within your family or closest circle of friends should all be attended with a smile on your face and bells on your shoes. Complain loudly at home alone later.
- If you’ve started dating someone and you can’t work out whether or not they’re a f*ckboy (Or girl, I’m not here to discriminate), don’t save their number into your phone just yet. They way if they turn out to be not cool you can delete them and move on straight away, and not have the ability to send that ‘one last text’ when you’re 6 margies deep on a night out with the girls.
- You may think you don’t need a phone cover because you’ve had your phone for a year and haven’t broken it yet, but you will invariably drop it twice in one week and not be able to use it again until the screen is fixed CARENA.
- Selfies on a night out should be kept for the personal collection only, unless you and the other participants are sober as judges.
- Not checking your credit card statement does not mean that the balance isn’t changing babes. Ignorance is NOT BLISS!
- Smile at someone on your way to work today. They might be having a shit day, they might be having a good day, who cares, everyone appreciates a good smile for no reason every now and then.
- It’s always better to be at work early rather than to stay late. Makes it look like you’re proactive rather than reactive. And well, you are really, cos you’re getting a head start on things aint ya!
- Be nice your ex(es). If you need some time, fine. But you liked them once, and vice versa. All I really want in the world is nice people and puppies and everyone to be really happy so ffs just make an effort because it goes a long way. Stop being a sourpuss.
- If you really want a leather jacket but can’t afford one, get a faux leather option and proclaim you did it because of the cows. Make sure you call it “vegan leather” very loudly any time someone asks about it.
- Sometimes going to bed at 7.30pm is the best thing in the world that you can do for your sanity.
- Peeps that have unhealthy relationships with food please move to point 14:
Everyone else: if you wana lose weight but you’re poor give intermittant fasting a go. That way you need to buy less food and don’t need a nutritionist! Maybe make sure you eat protein and veges for your other meals tho.
- It may seem like a good idea to cram study for an exam instead of properly learning through the semester, but trust me when you start your next year and you can’t remember the most basic shit because you couldn’t be bothered to learn it properly and instead have really great short term memory, you will be totally dark with yourself, I promise.
- The damage you do to your skin in your 20’s will show through in your 30’s so now I’m super worried and committed to drinking 3L of water per day in an in-vain effort to turn back the clock a lil bit. Don’t make the mistakes I made! Don’t tan your face unless its fake! You don’t wana look like a wrinkly old crow lady at 35!!!